What Should You Give Up To Be Happy?

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Give up these things and you will reach happiness.

This article came from the Purpose Fairy at http://www.purposefairy.com . I usually don’t guest article that much, but I thought this is a great one to share. I am going through an amazing transition and I am learning how to give up on a lot of the things listed. It’s a wonderful feeling of freedom and I encourage everyone to pay attention and apply these wise principles of happiness. I think all of us can relate to it and I’m curious to see the responses.

15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy

Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:

1. Give up your need to always be right

 There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?

2. Give up your need for control

Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

3. Give up on blame

 Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk

 Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.

“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle

5. Give up your limiting beliefs

about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

6. Give up complaining

 Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

7. Give up the luxury of criticism

Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.

8. Give up your need to impress others

Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9. Give up your resistance to change

 Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” 
Joseph Campbell

10. Give up labels

 Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer

11. Give up on your fears

Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.”
 Franklin D. Roosevelt

12. Give up your excuses

Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.

13. Give up the past

I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

14. Give up attachment

This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations

Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.

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55 thoughts on “What Should You Give Up To Be Happy?

  1. Great checklist to live by Raena, to say nothing of to prosper by.

    Internet marketers must be highly engaged entrepreneurs. We don’t have the luxury of indulging ourselves in attitudes, excuses and attachments that sabotage our efforts to thrive and prosper through empowerment and gratitude.

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi David,

      I think the reason we are entrepreneurs is we have been able to overcome many of the things on this list. So many people don’t have the luxury of being exposed to the positive personal development and awareness that we have. Thanks for stopping by!

      Raena Lynn

  2. Hi Raena, What a inspiring post on how to truly be happy. So many times in our lives we get caught up in all the things you mentioned in your list and we find out that we aren’t truly happy. If we follow your advice and give up things like fear, limiting beliefs,resistance to change, and excuses we can really start to thrive and be happy. Thanks for sharing!

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Shelley,

      I’m pleased that you were inspired. I agree that we definitely get caught up in things we really need to give up. I suppose a more positive way to say “give up” is “let go.” However we label it, all of it leads to greater happiness. Isn’t so silly what we get stuck on sometimes?

      Raena Lynn

  3. Kostas
    Twitter:
    says:

    Wow great list Raena, I am trying to give up most of the things you have on your list but it’s not easy, anyway thanks for sharing…

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Kostas,

      There are so many things we have been taught not realizing they can be a hindrance in our lives. It’s never too late to let go.

      Raena Lynn

  4. This is a great list Raena!
    Even coaches like myself who constantly train oursleves to observe and listen to our inner dialogue fall into one of these “traps”.
    Resistance to change is something I can relate to, when dealing with technology and my site for example. I percieve evry technology glitch as something annoying ans I know I can improve on this!
    Thanks for these wonderful tips!

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Patricia,

      It is truly wonderful to see you visiting my blog. Resistance to change is a difficult one to get over, but with awareness and recognition, it can be done. I learned a long time ago, that life is change and I am getting much better at “going with the flow.” I’m glad you got some value from this post.

      Raena Lynn

  5. Amit Shaw says:

    Wow Wow great list Raena, I always want to be happy. Thanks for you superb points. I will try to give up some points to become happy and some points are really to tough to give up but we have to try this.
    BTW Thanks.

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Amit,

      If you learned something and you appreciate the post, then mission accomplished! Thanks for coming by again. You’ve been in my TSA group for a couple of weeks…great to connect.

      Raena Lynn

  6. Eldon Beard
    Twitter:
    says:

    Hi Raena,very good list of things that will improve your life *if* you give them up. Lot of things here that people cling to, but must let go of and move forward in life. Not easy, that’s for sure, but effective.

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Eldon,

      Nice to see you again! I see so many people who have not learned the true path to happiness. It is difficult to let go, but it is worth it.

      Raena Lynn

  7. Martin Casper
    Twitter:
    says:

    Excellent post and thoughts. I especially like your two comments on “not always needing to be right” and “stop criticizing others”. Those two self-serving attitudes are some of the most painful ways to project ones self to others. Thanks.

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Martin,

      Thanks for you visit. I appreciate you coming by to comment and I hope this post was helpful.

      Raena Lynn

  8. This is a fantastic list of the subtle changes that occur over time that really lead to us having a much more fulfilled life. Taken on the surface, this list can look “impossible” and be easy to blow off. However, it is these changes that occur that lead to us reaching a mental state of peace. Great insights and a lovely reminder Raena!
    Kim

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Kimberly,

      Thanks for your visit! I love your comments, especially about “reaching a mental state of peace.” I also got your message about my blog. Hopefully I can figure out what the heck is going on! Thanks so much!

      Raena Lynn

  9. Hi Raena,

    Absolutely loved your post. I have to say that many of use have not given up as much as half that list, but I agree that when you do, you’d feel just great and liberated.

    For 10 years of my life I was what I now call “locked” into a religion which I thought was right, while I was believing to be wrong. But after 10 years of not being myself and being just so unhappy, I realized that this wasn’t for me.

    Since I decided to take control of my life again every thing changed, most of all my self confidence and my “talents” came out like never before. I had buried all that for so long.

    Thanks for this great post. I will share it 🙂

  10. Raena, This is a great list to live by. As I went down the list I had to chuckle to myself because I’ve given up every one.
    Number 4 was the most difficult for me. I used to always do that negative self-talk. I tried so hard to stop. I went to hypnosis, tried affirmations, I did it all. This was a battle for me but I refused to give in.
    I found DBT Therapy which is all about Mindset. I trained my brain to do the opposite and now my Self-Talk is positive. Phew…It took me a long time, but I never gave up!
    Thanks Raena for this awesome post. It will help so many people.
    Donna

  11. John Gaydon says:

    Thanks Raena for a great list of what to give up to be happy.

    This is basically what 3 years intensive soul searching and personal development taught me many years ago.

    It change my life completely and now I love on the edge constantly with much more contentment and happiness. Detachment is the big one for me. When you truly don’t care what the outcome of any situation is, you open the door for unlimited possibilities and miracles that most people dismiss as impossible.

    When you live life to the full and truly are unattached to outcomes, you are approaching inner peace.

  12. Stevie Smith says:

    Right on point, nice post. Basically, people need to stop being superficial. Success is not measured on how much money you have in your bank account, how many cars and houses you have, it’s how much you’ve lived your life to the fullest, without conforming to what other people say, and what they want you to do, or to be. When you past your prime and look back, you will not change anything, as the journey was all worth it.

  13. Steve Vernon
    Twitter:
    says:

    Powerful, Raena! These are all things that are driven by the ego and that keep us from becoming the person we are truly designed to be. All this falls right in line with what all great spiritual teachers have taught for centuries, and in particular, it reminds me of a book I’m reading right now by Dr. Wayne Dyer, “Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life”, which is dedicated to a study of the ancient Tao Te Ching. Thanks for a beautiful post, my friend!

  14. Wow Raena, that article is VERY POWERFUL. I honestly mean it… I am bookmarking it.

    I have given up most of the things on the list but there are still some I will look at in more details. Some things I need to do more of and stop doing.

    I notice I still complain… but most of the rest I’m getting better at.

    Thank you
    Gavin

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Gavin,

      I’m so glad to see you here and that you appreciated this list. I think not complaining is difficult to give up sometimes. We are human and all we can do is be aware and work on improving these “give ups.” Thank you for everything you do!

      Raena Lynn

  15. Stacy
    Twitter:
    says:

    Hi Raena,

    This is a fantastic list! Those are 15 things that hold us back from happiness and success! This list is a good road map of how to find happiness. It takes time and effort but it can be done and it’s a process. Sometimes after we’ve learned to give one up we find that we have to give it up again because we’ve either allowed it to sneak back in or because we discover it at a deeper level than we knew about.

    Over the last ten years I’ve learned the importance of giving up each one. Giving up these self destructive behaviors and thought patterns has helped me to find more joy, happiness and success than I ever thought possible.

    Stacy

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Stacy,

      Thanks for the great comment on this post. It certainly is a process and sometimes it is really difficult to let go of some of the things mentioned on the list. You are proof that people can find more joy, happiness, and success if they can let go of these behaviors. Thanks!

      Raena Lynn

  16. Michael
    Twitter:
    says:

    Absolutely spot on Raena. 🙂

    There are so many things that we are taught to believe are important to living a wonderful happy life, that are just not true. This list is full of them. Thank you for posting these, they are simple and elegant truths, and I really appreciate that you have taken the time to put them together and share them.

  17. Yorinda
    Twitter:
    says:

    Hi Raena,

    inspiring! Awesome suggestions!

    Wouldn’t it be nice if kids would learn this in school and especially at home.

    Years ago I came across the sentence “I would rather be happy than right” which did help me a great deal.

    I also became aware of when I used the word ‘should’ on myself and others and tried to eliminate it, since it can have the underlying connotation of being wrong if we don’t live up to the ‘should’. I still use the word ‘should’ at times, but I rather not.
    Having said that I would use the wisdom of you post with the invitation of ‘wouldn’t it be nice if I could release being right so I can be happy’.

    Your suggestions would make a great poster to hang in prominent places around the house!

    Thank you so much for sharing it!

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Yorinda,

      Thanks for your comments. You must have heard the saying, “How many times have I should on myself today?” It’s is great that you realize what a downer that is! Thanks Yorinda. I always enjoy your blog and Retweets!

      Raena Lynn

  18. Holy
    Twitter:
    says:

    What an awesome post!! This is a great list of things that we can work on to improve our lives. I must admit I know them now I have them all in one place… remembering to make sure that I use them can sometimes be daunting.. especially the ones that I have help on to for so long so tightly!! Thanks for sharing this, Raena!

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Holy,

      I’m glad that you appreciated this post. It takes a lifetime to improve ourselves but I think we just get better and better. Some of it is hard to let go, but once we do, it really frees you up so you can feel true happiness. That is something to look forward to!

      Raena Lynn

  19. Herbert says:

    Very very inspiring Raena Lynn. If we can learn to give up on those thing yet we know that it will set us free, we will never find happiness and we will always be stuck and will have a very slow progress in life.

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Herbert,

      Thanks for your comment on my blog. I agree with you. The sooner we recognize that these things are interfering with our happiness and we move towards changing them, we will find happiness. It’s a nice guide to see how we are doing.

      Raena Lynn

  20. Angela
    Twitter:
    says:

    Great post Raena! Isn’t how funny how much baggage we have that can keep us from being happy? When you look at the points you made it shows how much of what keeps us from being happy is ourselves and our mindsets.

    I think my favorite point of the 15 is giving up the need to control. There are so many things we can’t control but we can always control how we react to things.

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Angela,

      Baggage is a real pain and you have to work really hard to get rid of it. As I pointed out in another comment, the first thing we need to change is to be aware of some of our behaviors that are not serving any purpose to fulfilling our state of happiness. All of it is mental! People think that they will be happy if they “make more money” or “buy a house.” None of that matters of you don’t have a mindset for happiness! Thank you for visiting my blog. Welcome back!

      Raena Lynn

  21. Clint Butler
    Twitter:
    says:

    Raena,

    Yet another great post and its wonderful that you took advantage of someone else’s content to say what you want to say. All too often people are afraid to do that and are really struggling to make new content for their sites. With the right recognition and citation of the source you really can provide value.

    That being said the one thing that really resonated with me on the post is to Give Up on Complaining. In my profession there are always 100 ways to do something and everyone has an opinion. There problem comes when people opinions are ignored or overridden for a final choice. Its at that time that one needs to understand that their way is not always the best way and just move on.

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Clint,

      Thanks for your comment. I think the complaining one is sometimes a little difficult for me. I think it is funny that you mentioned that particular one. The other day I was ready to complain, and I stopped myself realizing it wasn’t going to do anyone any good. I have to consciously realize where my thoughts are all the time because that is one area I am working on. With that said, those thoughts only surface because I’m not paying attention. I’m learning to let that particular one go. I’m learning to shift my thoughts to the positive to prevent it from happening. It’s easy to say, but sometimes a challenge. I’m not sure if there are many people who have let go of all 15 behaviors….oh wait a minute….Superman?

      Raena Lynn

  22. Kristen
    Twitter:
    says:

    I think that many of the things that you mentioned are captured in the “giving up control” example. However, instead of giving up control over everything, you probably want to focus on the things that you can reasonably have control over, especially in a positive way. For example, you have some control over your health and happiness, but you can’t control everything. You can control whether you exercise but you can’t control your genetics, etc. When you focus on the things that you would like to change AND these are things that you actually have the power to change in small steps, it can make you very happy when you achieve those small goals. Thanks for the thought-provoking post!

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Kristen,

      Thank you for a very thought provoking response! Your explanation of how a person can reasonably handle the process of changing is very good and helpful. It makes the process more palatable and easier to do. I think a probable first response to the list could be, “I can’t give all of that up at one time!” Instead give up the things that you have control over and it will make the changes attainable. Brilliant!

      Raena Lynn

  23. Laura Morris says:

    Hi Raena

    This is one of the freshest posts I’ve read in a long time. We don’t think about “giving up” things to be happy that often. It’s usually the other way around. We talk about attraction, being MORE of who we are and so on. I completely agree with this list, and also thank you for sharing the purposefairy with me!

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Laura,

      Wow, it’s great to see you here. This was a guest blog and I really liked it because it was a little different than what we usually read about happiness. It’s a great “check yourself” list and I knew it would help a lot of people look at their state of happiness in a different light. Thanks for your comments!

      Raena Lynn

  24. I love this list. These are all things that don’t serve us at all and need to be let go of. Some of them are a challenge though. 😉

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Melodie,

      I agree that some of them are a challenge, but first comes awareness, then change. There are so many people who are not aware of how they live their lives and they will stay where they are throughout their lives. We are so fortunate in this business to be exposed to so much personal development and we have the opportunity to change and and be our own designers.

      Raena Lynn

  25. Beth says:

    This is to thank you and let you know how much I enjoyed reading all of the above…

    Overcoming many challenges, I know that there aren’t any limitations, for each and every moment is a “present”. Beth G.

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hello Beth,

      Thank you for stopping by and I appreciate that you enjoyed the post. If we can stay in the “present” we have a much better chance to reach happiness. I love your attitude!

      Raena Lynn

  26. Rick Lelchuk says:

    Raena,

    What a terrific list of give ups. I didn’t know what to expect when reading the title. It’s coming back to being the love based creatures that we are.

    Thanks for having a wonderful guest blogger.

    RICK

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Rick,

      Thanks for stopping by. It’s a handy list to gauge where you are at on the happiness scale. Yes, it’s nice to have a guest blogger once in awhile!

      Raena Lynn

  27. Jupiter Jim
    Twitter:
    says:

    I love “Give up Self-Defeating Talk” and “Give up Limiting Beliefs” because that is what holds everyone back to some degree. The other things to give up are very important too, but lots of people just tell themselves they can’t do it and like henry ford said: If you think you can or you think you can’t — you’re right!

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Jim,

      I think you picked out two of the most powerful points that really create unhappiness. Self-Defeating Talk and Limiting Beliefs prevents people from reaching their dreams and holds them back in everything in life! They kill any chance of moving forward and stay stuck. Thanks for visiting my blog. I really enjoyed your post on SEO. Thanks!

      Raena Lynn

  28. Rich says:

    Hi Raena, I love your post, never hold back from what you believe in. We have to give up somethings in life that do not serve us well. Keep up the great work Raena

    You rock!

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Rich,

      Thank you for your comments. I just read a quote that said, “Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.” It think this fits this post very well!

      Raena Lynn

  29. William Earl Amis Jr III
    Twitter:
    says:

    Raena, it may have taken me 29 years to get all the stuff out of my lifestyle. Yet, I thank God for it being done. Your article is enough to make a grown man cry!

    Yes, giving up doesn’t mean that those thoughts will never try to get into your thinking. Yet, overwhelm them by positive positioning of replacements. It works and I am living proof.

    Give in to serving others and focus on betterment in their lives. Then you will not have time to cloud your mind with such thoughts. Your actions will be of good quality and your choice of words inspirational.

    Your simple great and this is very well done! Raena your abilities to get us focus on empowering ourselves has no limits. You keep me believing in what I have a passion for, others having unyielding hope. Thanks for being one who holds nothing back and a strong mentor in our industry.

  30. Nick Catricala
    Twitter:
    says:

    Raena,
    reading your post is something nice… reading all the tips is educational… and making a copy and placing it on my refrigerator door… was a must.

    Thanks so much for all yoru research to serve us… I truly appreciate your work.. and I love to thank you for sharing it with us.
    nickc

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Thank you Nick,

      I always appreciate your kind comments:)

      Raena Lynn

  31. This list is very useful and thanks for sharing it with us.

    The negative self talks and the limiting beliefs are the common things we all have. It’s amazing how much time we spend worrying about things that have not happened yet, and that probably won’t ever happen. We might find our self-talk confirming that we are always going to be stuck or that we cannot afford to make changes.

    I agree. “Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.”

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Patricia,

      Thank you for visiting my blog! We can overcome the negative self talk and limiting beliefs. It takes applying principles learned by studying personal development. First, begin with awareness. Most of the time people don’t know how badly they mentally treat themselves. Once they become aware, it is a matter of changing thoughts so they are in charge, rather than letting their mind take over. I attended a personal development seminar, and I remember this quote, “You are not your emotions.” It’s good to remember when I get any hint that I am moving toward negative self talk. I appreciate your comment and come back again!

      Raena Lynn

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