What’s Wrong With Me? Do you ever have those thoughts?
I think we all do. Once in awhile I get an email which must be shared! This one is from Daegan Smith. I had the pleasure of attending one of Daegan’s workshops in Washington DC last month entitled “The Invisible Funnel Workshop.” It was a profoundly fabulous learning experience. I, along with other workshop participants witnessed Daegan in action doing what he does best, sharing his stories and teaching. His coaching is impeccable.
He put a lot of heart in this email and he tells you about it in the first part. If you are already on Daegan’s list, you may have read this email. I felt the message is so touching and significant and may help when self-doubt creeps in, I had to pass it along. It’s long, which is Daegan’s style, but well worth taking the time to read. If you are in the Internet Marketing industry, chances are you know Daegan Smith has had a powerful impact in the industry and has paved the way for most of the multi-level earners on the internet. With such a huge influx of new marketers joining the community, I felt this is a great introduction to Daegan!
I know this picture of Daegan and I does not match the title, but I love it and wanted to share it with you. I hope you like his email and I would love to hear your comments. I think all of us can relate.
What’s Wrong With Me?
I’d like to talk to you about something
that might be effecting you and your
business negatively to a far greater
degree than you may give it credit for.
Before I go any further, let me say that
nothing I have to share today was easy
for me put together for you.
It took many hard hours to prepare.
It’s incredibly personal, and before I
began to put one word on paper I felt
sharp sting. Fear.
When that happened …
I knew I had to stop everything I was
doing to work through this, because if
it’s this hard for me to bring up and
speak to I know that this issue is
silently effecting many in an extremely
What is it?
It’s the problem of self doubt.
And how to overcome it.
If we can work through this together,
right now …
If you and I can be honest for a few
moments and really do some deep work
together you’ll come out of the
experience far stronger for it.
I don’t ask that you trust me right now,
rather I just ask that you please
stretch yourself a bit …
Are you game? Good. Look …
I don’t care who you are.
I don’t care if you’re Bill Gates,
Howard Stern, President Obama, or Oprah,
All have those silent moments when the
only thought we can hear or give focus
to is …
“What’s wrong with me?”
What triggers it can be one of a million
different things, but …
Typically it hits you at points in your
life where your results don’t match the
expectations you have for effort you
exerted to obtain certain results …
You fall in love.
Give your significant other your heart.
They go and cheat on you or leave you
for someone else.
You’re left with …
“What’s wrong with me?”
You exert your whole soul to your
business building efforts and nothing
quite seems to work.
In fact, you end up digging yourself
even deeper into a whole.
The only you’re left with is …
“What’s wrong with me?”
You’re left feeling deflated, isolated,
empty. You don’t tell anyone, but …
You want to go hide under a rock and
never come out, but instead you feign a
smile, and carry on as if nothing is
Neither way of “dealing” is good, in
Left untreated this “thought” can not
only kill your chances of building the
business you want, but on a far deeper
level it can destroy the quality of your
life and the lives of those around you.
The problem with this thought is …
When it hits you, the only way for your
mind to react is to answer this question
with all the “things” that “you think”
are wrong with you.
And then …
Deeper down the despair whole you go.
I know because …
There have been times in my life where
I’ve let this thought take me to those
I’ve let it Rob me of results and
I’ve let it strain or destroy important
relationships in my life.
I’ve also seen this “thought pattern”
destroy other’s businesses that I’ve
I know that the effects are not a
permanent state of mind.
I’ve beaten it.
Every successful entrepreneur you and I
admire has found in their own way a way
to overcome it, and thus, so can you.
I don’t want this “pattern” to destroy
your chances of success, because it
shouldn’t, and it only has the power to
effect us if …
You or I let it.
The problem is, most of the time it
starts small, and by the time it gets
“out of control” we’re too far gone to
notice where we are mentally.
So, the way we overcome the problem of
self doubt is to …
Inoculate ourselves against it.
Stop it before it can effect us any
Before I go any further, let me say this
No matter how “bad” things may “seem” at
times, there’s no problem so big that
you can’t find happiness right now.
This I promise you.
In fact …
I believe, finding that happy place is
exactly where that success that you may
think is eluding you lies.
Let’s get there because …
The only meaningful difference between
those who you may aspire to “be like”
and yourself at this current moment is
the compounded results of the actions
that they’ve taken when faced with self
doubt to find their way back to their
happy place again.
The faster you can recover and remain in
a place of joy the …
Faster and easier success will find it’s
way to you.
I say this, because the only way that
I’ve been able to overcome these moments
in my life has been through deliberate
Consistent effort to find and remain
happy no matter what I’m faced with.
If you’re willing to fight for your
happiness today then it will bring your
life more meaning and joy on not just a
daily basis, but a moment to moment
Just imagine always being happy.
How would your life change?
It’s an exciting idea isn’t it.
Now, let’s see what we can do to make it
What I’d like to do is walk you through
the general thought process that I’ve
found myself going down when I’ve been
hit with the “What’s wrong with me?”
Generally it starts small.
Something doesn’t go quit the way you
expect it to.
Sometimes you can just shrug it off, but
others, that feeling sticks around just
a little while too long, and once that
You start asking yourself questions like
“what did I do wrong?”
You start to explore the answers.
If you could stop there and take
positive action to validate those
possible wrong “things” you’d be golden,
but our minds don’t work that way.
Instead of telling us that we should go
out into the real world and validate the
possible causes it does this instead.
It starts to compare your results with
others, and typically, others who you
think are doing better in that area of
life than you that …
You don’t think are actually more worthy
of whatever results you “thought” you
should have than you are.
An example …
Let’s say you work your butt of for a
promotion at work.
You do all the right things. You make
all the right moves, but …
When the times comes for the promotion
you get passed up.
Then you get passed up again.
When your mind finds it way to that
“What’s wrong with me place” you start
to ask yourself questions like …
“Why did Johnson get the promotion and
You run through the list of reasons why
you’re just as good as he or she is and
you can’t find a definable reason why
they’re “more” fit for the job than
The only answer your mind can serve you
up is …
Something must be wrong with me.
Another example …
I had a guy on my team when I started
having some success in my network
marketing business who was recruiting a
LOT of people.
I was happy for him, but they didn’t
duplicate as fast as he expected them
Not long after he’d call me and say …
“Daegan, why aren’t they duplicating?
I’m starting to lose confidence here.”
Not long after I never hear from him
He reached a place where, whatever or
whoever he was comparing himself to that
his mind could only serve him the answer
that it “must” be him at fault.
From there that most dangerous of
questions must have sprung up …
“What’s wrong with me?”
In both situations when your mind can’t
find an answer, it logically moves to
you as the root cause.
And that’s bad, because as soon as that
happens and that …
“What’s wrong with me?”
Starts to repeat itself in your mind the
only thing your mind can do is find
“This is wrong with me. That is wrong
with me. That other thing is wrong with
None of it true.
All of it subjective, but to you, in
that place it couldn’t be any more true.
Once your mind goes there it starts to
generalize. If you’re no good at X, then
you’re no good at Y, and if you’re no
good at Y, then you’re no good at Z.
Soon, you perceive yourself as without
Complete and total self doubt.
And that is VERY dangerous place to be.
The reason that I share all this is so
you can see the process in it’s full
Knowledge is the seed of action.
If we never know, that this process
isn’t “us” the only thing that you or I
can do is take it as truth, when there’s
nothing further from the truth.
Your mind must work, and if you let it
work on it’s own, it’s like a computer,
at times, it can crash, but your mind
You control your mind.
You can either accept or reject what it
wants to serve you.
Here’s a personal example of what I
mean, that we’ll dig into deeper at a
I have what I have come to call “Instant
Gratification Syndrome” which means …
My mind always wants to find ways to
instantly gratify itself.
For me, that means it constantly wants
me to check my emails to see “what my
daily income figures look like”
Why? we’ll get to later, but …
I feel my mind finding “reasons” for me
to check my email when I don’t do so as
often as it would like.
My mind is sneaky, and if I don’t do a
reality check every now and then, there
I go …
I believe I need to do whatever it is
urgently, and as result I check my email
address and my mind wins.
My mind isn’t me.
Your mind isn’t you.
You need to understand that.
One of the best ways for proving this to
yourself is to, stop what you’re doing
and either write in a journal for 40
minutes uninterrupted or meditate for
the same amount of time uninterrupted.
What you’ll find is your mind will
constantly sway to certain things that
it habitually sways to, these thoughts
that come to your mind at those points
in time are NOT you.
They are the habits that keep your
“lizard” mind in it’s happy routine.
Until you or I break out of those mental
routines there is no growth, but …
The point I wanted to stress is you are
not your mind.
When it goes to those places of self
doubt understand that your mind is lying
It’s creating meaning out of nothing,
and by believing it you’re brining that
meaning into reality.
Don’t believe the hype.
How do you defeat self doubt?
The easiest way once you can get into
the habit of doing so, is to notice
those times when you feel let down by
certain expectations and simply let them
Here’s how your mind works …
If you’ve watch TV shows like “LOST” and
got hooked after watching a few episodes
it’s because they use what are called
“open loops” to keep your attention.
What loops are are situations that go
unresolved by the time the episode ends.
You want, no, you NEED to know what
happens, so you’ve got to toon in next
week and so you become “hooked”
These TV shows use a series of these
loops to keep us tuning in.
Not long ago I realize how powerful this
force is at keeping our attention, but
had a profound epiphany one day
journaling on the subject when I
“If that’s how our minds work when
watching TV, what about with our own
It hit me like a bolt of lightning when
I realized that all of the things that I
felt stress over were essentially open
Unresolvable thoughts in my mind that
stayed there exactly because they were
From there I quickly realized that if I
want to live a stress free happy life
that the thing I’ve got to do is let go
of those things that are unresolvable,
I’d be doomed to stress, and potentially
extreme self doubt and depression.
Do you see how I got there?
Your mind creates a small “Open Loop”
whenever it can’t figure something out,
so what does it do?
It digs in until that little “open loop”
turns into a grand canyon sized
unresolvable problem like …
“What’s wrong with me”
The best way to NOT get there is to let
go of any thought that you can’t resolve
If you can make this a habit your life
will change drastically.
But how do you let go?
It’s one of those things that’s easier
said than done.
For me …
The best tool I’ve found is my journal.
If I have a problem I go and journal
I look at it from all angles, I try to
find new things I can test on myself to
see if it brings me different results.
If I either find things to test, and
they prove unsuccessful, or I can’t find
anything to test the validity of the
“supposed” problem, then I make the
decision that I’ve got to let it go.
Sometimes it doesn’t go easy.
I’ll find myself journaling about it
more, and it will find it’s way into my
thoughts over and over again, but …
When I put my thoughts to paper it
becomes extremely apparent what the
issue or problem is and becoming hyper
aware of how that “problem” thought
manifests itself gives me the tools I
need to let it go whenever I find it
trying to sneak back in.
What do I mean by letting go?
Letting it go.
Dropping it like a bad habit.
“So what if I’m passed the first stage
of a unmet expectation and I’ve found
myself smack dap in the middle of
comparing myself with the Jones’s?”
Notice you’re making comparisons that
aren’t fair. Unless you know everything
about that other person or their
circumstance and how they think how can
you ever accurately compare yourself to
So why would you try?
Because I haven’t allowed my mind to let
go of something that should have been
let go of a long time ago.
What is it?
There you go. That’s the thought
Find that initial “thing” that started
the process and from there work on
getting rid of it as described above.
The other thing that I’ve found that’s
helped me a LOT is to really define for
myself within myself what makes me
And sometimes it’s not that easy, but
I’ll tell you what makes me happy as it
relates to my business.
“Figuring out the puzzle”
“Testing and trying new things”
If I’m thinking about and doing those
things as it relates to my business I’m
If I take myself there and immerse
myself a week could pass and I wouldn’t
That’s just what I love to do.
It’s not the money even though …
For a while I thought it it was.
But it ain’t.
Now, I’ll take the money as the late Jim
Rohn once said.
But ain’t the money that fuels me.
If I go to that place and do those
things, and think those thoughts that
put me in a happy place, there’s no room
for bad, negative, or self doubt
I’m too busy having fun.
You should take some time to really
define that place in your business for
you as well.
The best way to do this is …
Take note of what excites you, notice
the action verb “excites” …
What excites you when you’re doing it.
That is where you will find your joy and
your unique genius.
That’s where you’ll have the biggest
impact on the world.
You find that place and no secret, no
new trick, no nothing can hold you back.
I’ve shared several ideas with you today
that have helped me a lot.
I’ll stop here, but I WILL say this …
You’re not your thoughts.
Please share this message with anyone
you believe will enjoy it.