What’s Wrong With Me?

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What’s Wrong With Me? Do you ever have those thoughts?

I think we all do. Once in awhile I get an email which must be shared! This one is from Daegan Smith. I had the pleasure of attending one of Daegan’s workshops in Washington DC last month entitled “The Invisible Funnel Workshop.” It was a profoundly fabulous learning experience. I, along with other workshop participants witnessed Daegan in action doing what he does best, sharing his stories and teaching. His coaching is impeccable. 

He put a lot of heart in this email and he tells you about it in the first part. If you are already on Daegan’s list, you may have read this email. I felt the message is so touching and significant and may help when self-doubt creeps in, I had to pass it along. It’s long, which is Daegan’s style, but well worth taking the time to read. If you are in the Internet Marketing industry, chances are you know Daegan Smith has had a powerful impact in the industry and has paved the way for most of the multi-level earners on the internet. With such a huge influx of new marketers joining the community, I felt this is a great introduction to Daegan!

I know this picture of Daegan and I does not match the title, but I love it and wanted to share it with you. I hope you like his email and I would love to hear your comments. I think all of us can relate.

What’s Wrong With Me?

I’d like to talk to you about something
that might be effecting you and your
business negatively to a far greater
degree than you may give it credit for.

Before I go any further, let me say that
nothing I have to share today was easy
for me put together for you.

It took many hard hours to prepare.

It’s incredibly personal, and before I
began to put one word on paper I felt
sharp sting. Fear.

When that happened …

I knew I had to stop everything I was
doing to work through this, because if
it’s this hard for me to bring up and
speak to I know that this issue is
silently effecting many in an extremely
negative way.

What is it?

It’s the problem of self doubt.

And how to overcome it.

If we can work through this together,
right now …

If you and I can be honest for a few
moments and really do some deep work
together you’ll come out of the
experience far stronger for it.

I promise.

I don’t ask that you trust me right now,
rather I just ask that you please
stretch yourself a bit …

Are you game? Good. Look …

I don’t care who you are.

I don’t care if you’re Bill Gates,
Howard Stern, President Obama, or Oprah,
we …

All have those silent moments when the
only thought we can hear or give focus
to is …

“What’s wrong with me?”

What triggers it can be one of a million
different things, but …

Typically it hits you at points in your
life where your results don’t match the
expectations you have for effort you
exerted to obtain certain results …

You fall in love.

Give your significant other your heart.

They go and cheat on you or leave you
for someone else.

You’re left with …

“What’s wrong with me?”

You exert your whole soul to your
business building efforts and nothing
quite seems to work.

In fact, you end up digging yourself
even deeper into a whole.

The only you’re left with is …

“What’s wrong with me?”

You’re left feeling deflated, isolated,
empty. You don’t tell anyone, but …

You want to go hide under a rock and
never come out, but instead you feign a
smile, and carry on as if nothing is
“effecting” you.

Neither way of “dealing” is good, in
fact …

Left untreated this “thought” can not
only kill your chances of building the
business you want, but on a far deeper
level it can destroy the quality of your
life and the lives of those around you.

The problem with this thought is …

When it hits you, the only way for your
mind to react is to answer this question
with all the “things” that “you think”
are wrong with you.

And then …

Deeper down the despair whole you go.

I know because …

There have been times in my life where
I’ve let this thought take me to those
dark places.

I’ve let it Rob me of results and
achievements.

I’ve let it strain or destroy important
relationships in my life.

I’ve also seen this “thought pattern”
destroy other’s businesses that I’ve
worked with.

But …

I know that the effects are not a
permanent state of mind.

I’ve beaten it.

Every successful entrepreneur you and I
admire has found in their own way a way
to overcome it, and thus, so can you.

I don’t want this “pattern” to destroy
your chances of success, because it
shouldn’t, and it only has the power to
effect us if …

You or I let it.

The problem is, most of the time it
starts small, and by the time it gets
“out of control” we’re too far gone to
notice where we are mentally.

So, the way we overcome the problem of
self doubt is to …

Inoculate ourselves against it.

Stop it before it can effect us any
major way.

Before I go any further, let me say this
first …

No matter how “bad” things may “seem” at
times, there’s no problem so big that
you can’t find happiness right now.

This I promise you.

In fact …

I believe, finding that happy place is
exactly where that success that you may
think is eluding you lies.

Let’s get there because …

The only meaningful difference between
those who you may aspire to “be like”
and yourself at this current moment is
the compounded results of the actions
that they’ve taken when faced with self
doubt to find their way back to their
happy place again.

The faster you can recover and remain in
a place of joy the …

Faster and easier success will find it’s
way to you.

I say this, because the only way that
I’ve been able to overcome these moments
in my life has been through deliberate
practice.

Consistent effort to find and remain
happy no matter what I’m faced with.

If you’re willing to fight for your
happiness today then it will bring your
life more meaning and joy on not just a
daily basis, but a moment to moment
basis.

Just imagine always being happy.

How would your life change?

It’s an exciting idea isn’t it.

Now, let’s see what we can do to make it
a reality.

What I’d like to do is walk you through
the general thought process that I’ve
found myself going down when I’ve been
hit with the “What’s wrong with me?”

Thought pattern.

Generally it starts small.

Something doesn’t go quit the way you
expect it to.

Sometimes you can just shrug it off, but
others, that feeling sticks around just
a little while too long, and once that
happens …

You start asking yourself questions like
“what did I do wrong?”

You start to explore the answers.

If you could stop there and take
positive action to validate those
possible wrong “things” you’d be golden,
but our minds don’t work that way.

Instead of telling us that we should go
out into the real world and validate the
possible causes it does this instead.

It starts to compare your results with
others, and typically, others who you
think are doing better in that area of
life than you that …

You don’t think are actually more worthy
of whatever results you “thought” you
should have than you are.

An example …

Let’s say you work your butt of for a
promotion at work.

You do all the right things. You make
all the right moves, but …

When the times comes for the promotion
you get passed up.

Then you get passed up again.

When your mind finds it way to that
“What’s wrong with me place” you start
to ask yourself questions like …

“Why did Johnson get the promotion and
not me?”

You run through the list of reasons why
you’re just as good as he or she is and
you can’t find a definable reason why
they’re “more” fit for the job than
yourself.

The only answer your mind can serve you
up is …

Something must be wrong with me.

Another example …

I had a guy on my team when I started
having some success in my network
marketing business who was recruiting a
LOT of people.

I was happy for him, but they didn’t
duplicate as fast as he expected them
to.

Not long after he’d call me and say …

“Daegan, why aren’t they duplicating?
I’m starting to lose confidence here.”

Not long after I never hear from him
again.

He disappeared.

He reached a place where, whatever or
whoever he was comparing himself to that
his mind could only serve him the answer
that it “must” be him at fault.

From there that most dangerous of
questions must have sprung up …

“What’s wrong with me?”

See …

In both situations when your mind can’t
find an answer, it logically moves to
you as the root cause.

And that’s bad, because as soon as that
happens and that …

“What’s wrong with me?”

Starts to repeat itself in your mind the
only thing your mind can do is find
answers.

“This is wrong with me. That is wrong
with me. That other thing is wrong with
me.”

None of it true.

All of it subjective, but to you, in
that place it couldn’t be any more true.

Once your mind goes there it starts to
generalize. If you’re no good at X, then
you’re no good at Y, and if you’re no
good at Y, then you’re no good at Z.

Soon, you perceive yourself as without
worth.

Complete and total self doubt.

And that is VERY dangerous place to be.

The reason that I share all this is so
you can see the process in it’s full
light.

Knowledge is the seed of action.

If we never know, that this process
isn’t “us” the only thing that you or I
can do is take it as truth, when there’s
nothing further from the truth.

Your mind must work, and if you let it
work on it’s own, it’s like a computer,
at times, it can crash, but your mind
isn’t you.

You control your mind.

You can either accept or reject what it
wants to serve you.

Here’s a personal example of what I
mean, that we’ll dig into deeper at a
later date.

I have what I have come to call “Instant
Gratification Syndrome” which means …

My mind always wants to find ways to
instantly gratify itself.

For me, that means it constantly wants
me to check my emails to see “what my
daily income figures look like”

Why? we’ll get to later, but …

I feel my mind finding “reasons” for me
to check my email when I don’t do so as
often as it would like.

My mind is sneaky, and if I don’t do a
reality check every now and then, there
I go …

I believe I need to do whatever it is
urgently, and as result I check my email
address and my mind wins.

My mind isn’t me.

Your mind isn’t you.

You need to understand that.

One of the best ways for proving this to
yourself is to, stop what you’re doing
and either write in a journal for 40
minutes uninterrupted or meditate for
the same amount of time uninterrupted.

What you’ll find is your mind will
constantly sway to certain things that
it habitually sways to, these thoughts
that come to your mind at those points
in time are NOT you.

They are the habits that keep your
“lizard” mind in it’s happy routine.

Until you or I break out of those mental
routines there is no growth, but …

I digress.

The point I wanted to stress is you are
not your mind.

When it goes to those places of self
doubt understand that your mind is lying
to you.

It’s creating meaning out of nothing,
and by believing it you’re brining that
meaning into reality.

Don’t believe the hype.

So …

How do you defeat self doubt?

The easiest way once you can get into
the habit of doing so, is to notice
those times when you feel let down by
certain expectations and simply let them
go.

Here’s how your mind works …

If you’ve watch TV shows like “LOST” and
got hooked after watching a few episodes
it’s because they use what are called
“open loops” to keep your attention.

What loops are are situations that go
unresolved by the time the episode ends.

You want, no, you NEED to know what
happens, so you’ve got to toon in next
week and so you become “hooked”

These TV shows use a series of these
loops to keep us tuning in.

Not long ago I realize how powerful this
force is at keeping our attention, but
had a profound epiphany one day
journaling on the subject when I
realized …

“If that’s how our minds work when
watching TV, what about with our own
thoughts?”

Wow!

It hit me like a bolt of lightning when
I realized that all of the things that I
felt stress over were essentially open
loops.

Unresolvable thoughts in my mind that
stayed there exactly because they were
unresolvable.

From there I quickly realized that if I
want to live a stress free happy life
that the thing I’ve got to do is let go
of those things that are unresolvable,
otherwise …

I’d be doomed to stress, and potentially
extreme self doubt and depression.

Do you see how I got there?

Your mind creates a small “Open Loop”
whenever it can’t figure something out,
so what does it do?

It digs in until that little “open loop”
turns into a grand canyon sized
unresolvable problem like …

“What’s wrong with me”

The best way to NOT get there is to let
go of any thought that you can’t resolve
yourself.

If you can make this a habit your life
will change drastically.

I promise.

But how do you let go?

It’s one of those things that’s easier
said than done.

For me …

The best tool I’ve found is my journal.

If I have a problem I go and journal
about it.

I look at it from all angles, I try to
find new things I can test on myself to
see if it brings me different results.

If I either find things to test, and
they prove unsuccessful, or I can’t find
anything to test the validity of the
“supposed” problem, then I make the
decision that I’ve got to let it go.

Sometimes it doesn’t go easy.

I’ll find myself journaling about it
more, and it will find it’s way into my
thoughts over and over again, but …

When I put my thoughts to paper it
becomes extremely apparent what the
issue or problem is and becoming hyper
aware of how that “problem” thought
manifests itself gives me the tools I
need to let it go whenever I find it
trying to sneak back in.

What do I mean by letting go?

Exactly that.

Letting it go.

Dropping it like a bad habit.

Ok …

“So what if I’m passed the first stage
of a unmet expectation and I’ve found
myself smack dap in the middle of
comparing myself with the Jones’s?”

Simple.

Notice you’re making comparisons that
aren’t fair. Unless you know everything
about that other person or their
circumstance and how they think how can
you ever accurately compare yourself to
them?

You can’t.

So why would you try?

Because I haven’t allowed my mind to let
go of something that should have been
let go of a long time ago.

What is it?

There you go. That’s the thought
process.

Find that initial “thing” that started
the process and from there work on
getting rid of it as described above.

The other thing that I’ve found that’s
helped me a LOT is to really define for
myself within myself what makes me
happy.

And sometimes it’s not that easy, but
I’ll tell you what makes me happy as it
relates to my business.

“Figuring out the puzzle”

“Getting better”

“Testing and trying new things”

If I’m thinking about and doing those
things as it relates to my business I’m
happy.

If I take myself there and immerse
myself a week could pass and I wouldn’t
know it.

That’s just what I love to do.

It’s not the money even though …

For a while I thought it it was.

But it ain’t.

Now, I’ll take the money as the late Jim
Rohn once said.

But ain’t the money that fuels me.

If I go to that place and do those
things, and think those thoughts that
put me in a happy place, there’s no room
for bad, negative, or self doubt
feelings.

I’m too busy having fun.

You should take some time to really
define that place in your business for
you as well.

The best way to do this is …

Take note of what excites you, notice
the action verb “excites” …

What excites you when you’re doing it.

That is where you will find your joy and
your unique genius.

That’s where you’ll have the biggest
impact on the world.

You find that place and no secret, no
new trick, no nothing can hold you back.

I’ve shared several ideas with you today
that have helped me a lot.

I’ll stop here, but I WILL say this …

You’re not your thoughts.

Please share this message with anyone
you believe will enjoy it.

If you ever have thoughts of “What’s Wrong With Me?” then remember you can beat it!

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33 thoughts on “What’s Wrong With Me?

  1. Hi Raena, This was an excellent post!!! I agree that Daeagan is a “Top Notch” speaker and his thoughts are so deep and so very inspiring. I agree that Journaling is the Tool that we all need to take control over our minds especially when our brain slips into the negativity of this world. My mind sometimes acts as a run-away-train and I deeply appreciated Daegan’s post to remind me that I really do have control over my mind and the powerful tool of Jounaling is the way to combat this attack on my brain. Thanks so much Daegan for writing this post and thank you Raena for the nudge to read it and the encouragement to apply it to my own life. With this, I hope to spread the happiness to others and encourage them to journal as well. Thank You Raena and Daegan!!! Excellent thoughts!!!

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Mary Lou,

      Thanks for you very thoughtful post. I agree with you completely. Daegan has given all of us a reminder that we have control of our thoughts and journaling is an excellent way to counteract negativity! I must say that you are one who understands the value of journaling and using it as a tool to sort thoughts. You are really skilled and I know you will inspire and encourage others to journal as Daegan is inspirational in his message.

      Raena Lynn

  2. Merna says:

    Thanks for posting this Raena. – a really thought provoking look at why we don’t more forward and how our minds can really play a lot of tricks on us.

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Merna,

      The key is to not let our mind play tricks on us once we know it’s a trick!

      Raena Lynn

  3. Hi Raena Lynn, okay I believe you:-) I am not my thoughts, thanks goodness I’m not. Sometimes they’re not very good thoughts, I admit. And, when I stopped watching the News and those silly soap operas, I started feeling much better. I wonder if people’s minds were less busier before TV was invented?

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Julieanne,

      Daegan really makes it clear, doesn’t he? If we can keep that in mine, “I am not my thoughts” and believe it, we can easily get through those self-doubt
      occurrences.

      Raena Lynn

  4. Wow, what a powerful message Raena – and SO true! I’m aware that most people who know me view me as a stong person, but just like everyone else on the planet I have moments of self-doubt … it’s just that I choose to allow myself only a limited “everybody hates me, guess I’ll eat some worms” time on my personal ‘pity pot’ before I pick up the pieces and move on 🙂

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Marquita,

      You have self-doubt??? No way! You are right on target…get off the pity pot, pick up the pieces and move on!

      Raena Lynn

  5. Thanks fro sharing this very important post/email with all of us here… I am so glad to read it… now I know I am not the only one who go through those “nice” thoughts… with time I learnet to take care of most of them.. but once in a while I get reminded by my true friends who mention to me that there is nothing wrong with me… it is just what my mind like to say out loud.. that is when I wake up and say to my self… I am Perfect as God want me to be and what went on in the past to trigger “what’s wrong with me” is just something that it is stored in my memory bank and sometime sneek out haha 🙂

    Thanks again for sharing Raena…
    All the best your heart desire…….. nickc

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Nick,

      I like the way you described self-doubt as “it is just what my mind like to say out loud.” I think we all have these thoughts once in awhile. I hope you are having a great time networking with our tribes and learning as you go!

      Raena Lynn

  6. Raena,

    I have seen those words so often. People have a tendency to blame someone or something. When they don’t feel the other person or situation is to blame, the next best thing is to blame themself.

    But everything is not about us. Sometimes there are steps that need to be taken. Sometimes there is a process of trial and error, practice to make perfect, and good old fashioned hard work to succeed.

    What’s wrong with “me” can be the simple factor of giving up too soon, giving in to those feelings of self-doubt and letting others dissuade you from pursuing your goals and dreams. I work hard all the time to overcome those insipient, nagging thoughts that creep into my mind when just a few small things don’t go the way I wanted or expected. The solution is not a one time thing, it is a daily vigilance to keep my thoughts neutral and appropriate for the situation.

    Warmly,

    Dr. Erica

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Dr. Erica,

      I always appreciate your in depth, thoughtful comments. I like what you said the the solution is not a one time thing, it is a daily vigilance to keep your
      thoughts neutral and appropriate for the situation. That makes a lot of sense to handle the times when self-doubt raises its ugly head!

      Raena Lynn

  7. Sarah Arrow
    Twitter:
    says:

    Hi Raena, what a powerful email to receive.
    I love the idea of lopping our own thoughts out of the negative pattern and into something stronger that works for us, rather than against us.

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Sarah,

      It’s great to see you here. I visited your blog for the first time yesterday. It is awesome. It is obvious you are a professional. I’m looking forward to many more visits! Thank you for your comments.

      Raena Lynn

  8. Bravo Reana!

    Now that is a Daegan Smith email If I ever saw one. Perfect story form as you pour out your soul.

    This is how Mr. Smith teaches his style of email, and girl…you got it. It is proven so successful and if I didn’t know you form atom and received this email, I would know you for what you shared.

    This is a great example of how we engage on email marketing. You have mastered it …. It was worth the time with Daegan wasn’t it?

    Donna

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Donna,

      Thanks for your super comments! My trip to DC to spend time at Daegan’s workshop was priceless. I think all of us learned a great deal. Now it is time to implement what he showed us. He certainly is very good at so many things! I’m still dancing to your Ithica video!

      Raena Lynn

  9. Hi Raena

    This is my first time here.

    Thanks for sharing the email. I think we all get into that slump and get dragged down from time to time. Especially when we compare ourselves to others. Had twinges of glad for an old friend from high school but at the same time wonder why my life had not taken a better course. It helped when I found out that my perception of where she lived was thwarted. But I know she put the action into her success and that is wonderful. But as for beating myself up I have decided to take on the better solution. In front of me now, just in case I forget are the words, “Let it go!” Thanks for the post and Daegan’s email.

    Mary

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Mary,

      I love to see new visitors! Welcome! Don’t beat yourself up…you have to move forward and don’t look back. I really feel what you are saying….I hate those twinges. Comparing ourselves to others can be dangerous. I always keep in mind that everything in this journey we called life is all relevant. There will always be something or someone “better off” or “worse off” so it really is a waste of time. Keep your internal strength intact and never forget there is no other person in the world now or ever who is YOU!

      Raena Lynn

  10. Raena. Wow! Amazing! Crazy, Incredulous! I loved it! Thank you for sharing! I found this incredibly inspiring and of course he is correct. Doubt creeping in can so destroy our dreams. Daegan was definitely worth it and something I needed to read and absorb! Thank you so much for sharing. Truly, truly inspiring. Barbara

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Barbara,

      I am pleased that you found this to be valuable post. I’m hoping that when someone starts to have self-doubt, they will reflect back to this email to help them view it in a different way. He shows that we all have self-doubt once in awhile…even multilevel income earners!

      Raena Lynn

  11. Sue Price
    Twitter:
    says:

    Hi Raena

    Thank you for sharing this email. It is awesome as I do believe we all have self doubt at times and it can be an awful loop. I love the depth of sharing in it.

    Thank you,

    Sue

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Sue,

      Thanks for your visit and comments. I rarely share emails…we get so many of them flooding into our email boxes every day, but this one is one I know most marketers face once in awhile in hope that it will help them see their self-doubt can be a positive thing!

      Raena Lynn

  12. Kimberly Castleberry
    Twitter:
    says:

    A great lesson from Daegan about how to face that inner demon and come out smiling. Daegan always speaks with so much heart that his audience can feel him… and thus allow themselves to look at what they perceive as flaws in themselves. He’s built big things for a reason… he knows his stuff and people would be wise to heed what he says.

    Kim

    PS: The narrow formatting made for a very technically challenging read

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Kimberly,

      Thanks for visiting. I appreciate your advice about listening to Daegan…he really does know his stuff! I need to connect with you at some point for some technical questions. I’m having a couple of issues with my blog, as you probably know…Thanks for everything you do for others.

      Raena Lynn

  13. Lynn Brown
    Twitter:
    says:

    Thanks for sharing such a profound email! The “thing” that struck me the most is the part where he talked about what “excites you when you’re doing it…that is where you’ll find your joy…” — what instantly came to mind was “passion.” The word “joy” & “passion” are interchangeable in my mind. When you’re doing something that creates a sustained feeling of excitement, I believe that is when you’ve discovered your true passion! Follow your passion & that is when life gets good!

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Lynn,

      Aren’t we fortunate to have found our passion and joy?

      Raena Lynn

  14. Hi Raena Lynn, thanks so much for sharing Deagan’s letter – I hadn’t read it myself, but I have now! Writing down thoughts and working problems out on paper is a wonderful way to “get over” the fears and doubts. I think “belief” and “what’s wrong with me” fears are what holds so many people back from being what they truly want to be.

    Have a fantastic weekend Raena Lynn!

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Julieanne,

      I’m glad you appreciated his letter. I was a little resistant to post it because of it’s length, but Daegan is such a fantastic storyteller, I didn’t think there would be a problem keeping people engaged. I loved it too because it puts a positive twist on, as you said, “what holds so many people back from being what they truly want to be.”

      Raena Lynn

  15. Lydia Brown
    Twitter:
    says:

    Thank you for this post Raena brought back some memories of when I have been stuck and what I did to get unstuck. Journaling was a significant step I took that helped me grwo also surrounding myself with a network of positive people who shared their experiences with me regarding overcoming negative self talk. Depending on the situation I still may question myself but glad to say I don’t stay stuck but it is a process. I appreciate Daegan sharing this and you passing it on.

  16. Althea Young says:

    I read those words often times and I ponder some things I actually don’t understand. Daegan’s letter is very inspiring and thanks a lot for sharing this!

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Althea,

      Thank you for visiting my blog. Daegan is an inspiration to many people and his letter is proof.

      Raena Lynn

  17. Hi Raena,

    Thanks for sharing Daegan’s letter. It is very comprehensive and you are so kind to share it.

    Sometimes we become attached to focusing on confusion as an excuse not to take that next step. Or we spend so much time “preparing to prepare” and “fixing to get ready” that we never get out of the gate. Our fears and doubts are clearly saboteurs from stopping us living life with enthusiasm.

    1. Raena Lynn
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Patricia,

      I believe this is your first visit to my blog. Welcome! Sometimes I come across content that I cannot replicate, and it has to be presented in it’s original form. Daegan’s email is a great example. You brought up confusion and using it as an excuse not to take the next step. I have banned that word from my vocabulary. I hear people say, “I’m so confused!” and that tells me it will be a challenge for them to learn because they have their mind set on being confused. They will stay confused with that thought. When I don’t understand something, I tell myself, “I will understand.” This allows my mind the room it needs to seek the understanding I know I’m capable of when I believe it and keep an open mind to learn. Some other words which should be banned are fear, doubt, and frustration. They block progress, so I say, good riddance!

      Raena Lynn

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